How we save money.

This is an odd post topic but in the last few months I've gotten asked this a lot and maybe it's just a hot topic with moms but it seems like we pass around tips a lot at parks and games and play dates and it's always interesting to me so I thought I'd share too. Let me preface this by saying it feels like we are professional live-with-little-ers. In our married life we've basically never known a time where the money rained and in an odd way it's made it easier to "do without" because we've never had them in the first place, ha!

All of our grandparents have been the best to talk with about those early "living on love" years. Hearing their stories of renting studio apartments for $40 a month or pulling out drawers from a dresser to lay their newborns in are just the best. One of my favorites is from my Grandma and Grandpa Meiner. When they were "going together," they would put a quarter in a jar each time they went on a date. By the time their wedding came around they used the money they had saved to buy their wedding bands. Nicholas Sparks couldn't make that up.

We cut the boys' hair ourselves. Zach has a trimming set and Aunt Debbie gave us a cape and the boys are buzzed about once a month. If we were to pay $10 a kid that would be $30 a month. That is $360 a year in our pocket- easy.

I make my own laundry detergent. It probably doesn't take a lot of imagination to see that with three boys we have a lot of laundry. My friend gave me this recipe and I have no complaints what so ever. Plus the jar in the laundry room looks super cute too.

We don't have cable. We purchased a $40 antenna that gets some local stations and then we pay about $29.99 a month for internet and then stream Hulu through our tv to watch shows. We never ever watch anything when it airs anyway so it's not a big deal to wait until the day after.

I dilute things to make them last longer. I started this in college because even though Reagan mostly drank water and milk, occasionally I would buy apple juice. Zach still tells stories of being chastised for drinking undiluted juice but now the joke is on them because they can't drink anything without it being watered down for it is too rich for their precious taste buds. Cleaning products (once you've used them half up) are a good one to dilute too.

We rarely eat out, not necessarily because it costs money but because with the kids it's not exactly enjoyable. But we'll run through the drive-through and split meals. My kids get a happy meal maybe twice a year, otherwise we split everything. Think about it, each happy meal is around $3.50 these days, times 3 would be $10.50. I can order a 20 piece meal that comes with two fries for $5.50 and it will feed me and the three boys.  

On the subject of food. Groceries. I've tried just about every method- clipping coupons, ecoupons, surplus stores, etc. I've found what works best for us, and is the less time consuming, is doing Aldi and Sam's Club. Sam's for diapers, paper goods, cleaning products and lunch ;) As far as meals, I do meal plan before I go and I only go to the grocery store once a week. If I run out of something, it's usually the day before I go back to the store anyway so we just do without. I found if I go more than once, even for just a couple things, I get way more than I was planning and they're just not things I need. One trick I use to stretch a buck: buy a whole chicken and cook in the crockpot then shred it and divide it into 1 lb packages and freeze. Perfect for soups or casseroles. Gift meat! My mom came up with the idea a few years ago to give family a portion of a cow for Christmas. She's done it a couple times since then and I know my dad's done it once too. It's awesome!

No money fun. We strap a kid to each of our backs and Reagan tags along while we hike trails around here (Starved Rock, Morraine View, Funk's Grove, etc.) I can tell you the pros and cons and rogue bandaid count of every park and splash pad in a 15 mile vicinity. If one child has an activity, it is everyone's activity. For instance, we sign Reagan up for baseball. So yay for Reagan, he gets to see his friends and play every Tuesday and Saturday. Our whole family goes to the practices and games so to Shep and Levi, they have just as much fun playing in the unoccupied fields and bleachers and therefore look forward to those nights as well (I know our time having only one child in an activity is fleeting.)

Reagan is naturally a saver. Just tonight I put tattoos on him and he begged to keep the package they came in so it has probably found a cush spot among his collection of pencils without erasers, a pair of goggles whose elastic has snapped and 5 tattered pokemon cards (WHERE DO THEY COME FROM? we don't buy them! {re: the topic of this post, we're cheap. and because we're cooler than pokemon.}) Anyway, so I don't think it's necessarily anything we've taught him. But he willingly saves his money for things he would like it buy himself. He knows if it's not on sale we don't buy it. This is the first year he's understood some people have less money and some people have more.

Reagan: "Mom, he is like really rich."
Ashley: How do you know?
Reagan: "He has this thing in his lunch box that makes his food warm."
Ashley: That's called a thermos.

That's all I've got for right now. Maybe I'll come back to this and add to it if I think of something else.  We don't do a monthly budget (maybe we should??) we just try to spend as little as possible. Then if things come up (because they always all happen at the same time, right?) then we're good. I've never ever ever felt like we've "done without" because I keep it all in perspective. Just living in America automatically makes us stupidly privileged so if I buy food with artificial coloring and high fructose corn syrup this month because suddenly our brakes need to be replaced and I cleaned the washer filter incorrectly so it overflowed and leaked through the kitchen ceiling than SO BE IT, I will not feel bad. We are healthy and happy. The end.

Mother's Day plus some thoughts

I have a few rambling thoughts on motherhood.

Here's the thing, I'm not a very passionate person. That's why I married Zach! He's the most passionate person I know. He can get you pumped up about skim milk. A prime example would be radiography. I have a college degree, I even passed my boards... but I have never attempted to have a career in it nor do I desire to. I did the co-op program in high school where you go to school half of the day and then work the other half. I think it was mostly for teen parents who understandably needed to earn a wage or those entering a trade. I just didn't feel like going to school all day. (I realize mostly what I am describing here is laziness.) One of the assignments was to describe your future career and the steps you would take to get there. The only thing I could really get behind and see myself doing was being a wife and mother. But that was pushed to the back of my mind because it couldn't be a legitimate desire, right? You're supposed to want more for yourself and change the world slash women's suffrage movement, etcetera, etcetera. Then stuff kind of went out of order and boom I was a mother. And like a light switch my passion switch was forcefully flipped to on. 

Motherhood gave me purpose. Albeit sometimes it seemed inconvenient and overwhelming, but with time and the right mindset; fulfilling (sometimes that mindset needs to be readjusted on the daily... nay hourly.) Our children stretch me and refine me beyond anything I could imagine and I am thankful for that. I feel that passion well up in my throat, a really hard knot to swallow. I've been getting a lot of well-meaning comments lately about my plans for after the kids are all in school. It has caught me off guard because that day feels so far away (remind me to eat those words when the day is here.) I hate to feel irked by it because I know no one is implying that this job will stop then. As we are learning with Reagan, once you get one challenge mastered they throw you a brand new problem to handle. The job never ends. And I really do love it (I can say that right now because they are all sleeping cherubs, but I change my tune real quick when someone is trying to bite the back of my legs. I'm looking at you Shepherd.) Anyway, my point is I don't think I will ever find anything more satisfying than being a mom. It was exactly what I thought it would be but also nothing like I thought it would be. I know you know.   

I love our family of five but almost even better, I really like them all too.

Enough of that. For Mother's Day this year we took my mom to Starved Rock and met my brother Drew there. We hiked the whole dang thing and it felt good. 

Mother nature being its' usual gross self. Wink.

Happy Mother's Day from me and my wide stance!

I just stopped writing 2012.

I'm so hopelessly far behind on posts. December came and went before I knew it and now our Christmas decor is all put back away and the sweets are hidden in drawers so that hopefully we will stop indulging in them so much (out of sight, out of mind?)

Our New Years Eve plans were slightly foiled this year. We're spending most of it taking turns wrapping one child up in the house's warmest blanket, carrying them outside and then letting the cool air sooth their croupy lungs. We're also quietly putting together Legos with the one who spent the majority of the previous night in the bathroom, tossing everything they ate earlier in the day. And in the back of my head, I'm counting down the hours until I'll need to be up again to feed our littlest family member. I've always taken a stupid amount of pride in the fact that our kids are rarely sick... but ever since Thanksgiving we've had a constant rotation of sickies under our roof. At one point we even thought one of them had appendicitis! (it was... thankfully?… anti-climatically… gas.) I hope this doesn't imply that I'm complaining. I relish in the fact that I get to be their care-giver. I know there will come a day when they don't need me as much and I will be okay with that too because I know that means they are healthy, stable adults so my point is live in this moment and enjoy this stage? Where am I going with this? Focus.

So. 2013. It was a good year to us and a big one at that. We watched our kids get older, Reagan turning 6 and Shepherd turning 1. They became more independent, more hilarious and the best of friends. We welcomed a one Mr. Levi Tripp, who is just… oh gosh, he's just the sweetest and our resident martyr, poor kid. His brothers just love him so hard. This year, we made lot of hard decisions (grown-up ones!) Selling our first house and leading a bible study for the first time. And then after much contemplation, coming to the difficult conclusion that Zach should change career paths (at 25 it seems laughable to think we've already had a "career change") to something that better met our family goals. Through so much change I've never felt so much peace, so I'm taking that as a good sign. Without getting too soft on you, I'll just say that I'm glad I'm in this whole "life" thing with Zach. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I've compiled our 2013 videos. It's a three-parter! I'm trying to decide if my favorite is Reagan's tooth extraction via Zach in the Sam's Club parking lot or us giving our 1 year old Pop Rocks.









Now I'm going to take you all back to junior high and throw out a big "see ya next year!!"

Thoughts on these boys and them getting older

A couple weeks ago, Reagan told me they were collecting money for the families affected by the recent tornado. He dumped all the change he could find in his piggy bank into a little zip lock bag and I gave him a dollar to add to it. Off he went to school and my little mom-heart soared for his thoughtfulness. Later that afternoon my phone rang, it was the front office at his school. They let me know that Reagan had taken a detour on his way to the school bus and had decided to peruse the school book fair. He had spent 20 minutes in the library, therefore he missed his bus home. I bundled and loaded the little ones up and headed to the school. I walked in, winded from carrying Shepherd on one hip and Levi in his carseat in the other arm, and saw Reagan sitting alone in the office with his teacher. Everyone apologized to one another for the inconvenience and then Reagan proudly showed me what had caused this whole debacle- an eraser he had purchased at the book fair. But wait. Purchased? With what money? And as I said that out loud, it clicked. He had decided that money was better spent elsewhere. That stinking 6 year old is far too clever and any fleeting feeling of proud parenting (where you think I might not be doing everything wrong) from that morning was most definitely squashed.

I turned around and he's like 12 years old now. He says things like "dude" and "boom baby." He greets his buddies with high fives. I went through his closet and transitioned his shirts to adult hangers because the child-size ones are too small now. I confuse his socks and mine because they're basically the same size.

Reagan quotes:

Yesterday he told Zach, "you're my favorite dad."

"Why is Shepherd the only one in this house who has overalls?"

"Wait, so people with peach skin can have dark-skinned babies?" After walking behind an interracial family, we had the talk about adoption. Then it all got very complicated when we discussed what happens when there is a black daddy and a white mommy. "Oooh, like chocolate milk." And this is were my blog takes a turn for the offensive I guess.
Zach and I were tucking Reagan into bed and I was holding Levi. Reagan prays "Dear God, (insert a million random things he thinks to thank Him for) please help me with school, please help dad with work, please help mom with all her kids. Now Levi finish us off with a fun fact! __________ amen."
Discussing his homework assignment which was to write about your family culture. After much thought, "It is important in our family to not pee on the side of the toilet."
Described the dinner I was making as "sexy." Luckily when I asked him what it meant he said he didn't know, we put the kibosh on that word immediately.

For the Awana pinewood derby he decided to make an ice cream truck. Like a good mom I contributed the idea of the "bugle" ice cream cone atop the truck. 

Shepherd just had his 18 month check up last week. I left the paper with his stats written on it at the office, wah-wah. His body is just solid and he is freakishly strong. Which is funny because he's not very coordinated but he can keep up with Reagan and Zach when they roughhouse. He has always been the smiliest of the boys but occasionally his evil twin comes out to play. He can be cackling with laughter one minute and then screaming defiantly the next. Such personality this kid has. He has the ladies in the church nursery wrapped around his finger and a couple times while out running errands around town people we don't even know will greet him by his name because they volunteer in another room in the nursery. He is trying to repeat most of what we say which I love, his voice is the. cutest. ever. He is really into pretend counting, stacking blocks and looking at books that have animals. We joke around here that he breaks whatever he touches. For instance he pulled the top rack of the dishwasher down on himself causing most of the dishes to break around him and then a little while later he snapped my glasses in half while I was wearing them. But he is such a lover too, Levi is constantly mauled throughout the day and he loves to be hugged and kissed. Also, I literally think I could eat his chubby little fingers right up. 

Please notice how Reagan is sitting to watch some saturday morning Duck Dynasty.

Zach's Grandpa Dave, the 7th son, meets his 7th great-grandson.

2 month stats…
length: 22.75 inches
weight: 13 lbs 3 oz
head: 15.5 inches

Levi is smiling and engaging us now! He also bats at toys that hang above him. He nurses about every 2 hours during the day but sleeps all night… it is amazing and this might put him in the running for my favorite. He is a stomach sleeper therefore he hates the carseat. Screams the entire time we go anywhere but by now, with three kids, I am a master at tuning all noise out. Oh he also has a small umbilical hernia. I didn't even notice it until his pediatrician pointed it out (now I feel bad of course,) but it should heal on its' own over the next few years. Dare I say it's actually kind of cute? It sticks out more when he's mad. I totally know this is one of those "a face only a mother could love" type of things.  

Important things to note:
Zach combined the words Shep and Sit the other day while Shepherd was standing in his high chair, therefore he just yelled shit! across the room.
Zach showed the appropriate level of excitement (which would be a lot) when I walked out of our room wearing jeans post-pregnancy for the first time. And they were buttoned.
A salesman came to the front door the other day and asked if I was the "princess of the house or the queen." Gross.

When adding a baby into the equation...

We're about to have done this three times now. Looking ahead I am trying to brace myself for this new addition. I firmly believe that the 6-12 months after a baby is brought into a family is the hardest. It goes without saying that those months are also incredibly wonderful... filled with lots of squishy cuddles and kisses. But a lot of change occurs and so families must adjust and find a new normal. I think one of the things that helped the most when adding Shep to the mix was that we had prepped ourselves ahead of time with how hard it was going to be. It didn't make the day to day any easier (because regardless babies wake up a lot and new moms have out of whack hormones,) but it made us feel less like we were "drowning" knowing that these feelings were totally normal. Nothing like low-expectations to make you feel like you've gotten a win!

To the Dad on the topic of the Mom.

1. She's crazy. Oh for sure. She is totally irrational, but let her know you support everything she says. And tell her she looks pretty too. It takes time for the mom's body to get back to normal. You can only see the physical side but the hormonal side is trying just as hard to get back on track too, and those hormones are the literal worst.

2. She can't get mad at the baby.... so it might get dumped onto you. Even though she might be irrational right now (refer to #1) she still is sane enough to recognize that when the baby just ate an hour ago and is crying to nurse again she can't get mad at it. But there's no need for you to get up! She can get mad at you! Just take it like a man.

3. Say thank you. For anything and everything really. When in doubt just thank her for something. It will make her feel appreciated and loved.

To the Mom on the topic of the Dad.

1. He's going to feel left out. I was surprised at how much attention Zach needed afterwards! Did you know testosterone makes men jealous? Did you know they can be jealous of a baby, even one that is half them?

2. Don't keep a tally of who does what. It's just not fair, you'll always. always. always come out on top. There is no way for the dad to catch up so just stop keeping count. In doing so, you will be less frustrated and more grateful for the help you do get.

3. We need to know that the guys are not going to do things the way we would do them or even the way we want them to be done but we need to be thankful that they are at least trying. The more we criticize, the more discouraged they will be, the less they will attempt to do.

So there you go, six things we've learned to apply that make our house a much nicer place to be during the newborn fog.

Thoughts on... having boys

"I am your quiet place, you are my wild."

MaryAnn K. Cusimano

Last Fall I went to a women's retreat at my mom's church. One of the guest speakers was an associate pastor at the church when I was growing up, I hadn't seen her for at least 10 years. Her and her husband had recently adopted a super sweet little boy. At the end of the conference I stole a few of the centerpieces to do the erupting pumpkin stuff with Reagan. Shep tagged along with me for the conference because I was nursing him and as I was walking out we stopped to reconnect with Laurie and see her new one. She noticed I had stolen a few of the pumpkins and I explained to her my little science experiment. I found myself telling her how fun boys are. She laughed and shook her head recognizing this stage of life I'm in. I then acknowledged how different my life turned out. In 8th grade, I would come to the confirmation class that she led in my cheer uniform right after a basketball game and I danced at the studio a million hours a week. I lived in my own little world where everything revolved around getting together with my bff's for sleepovers or meeting up with my boyfriend (cough.husband.cough) at the mall.

Goodnessgracious. I am now a mom to BOYS. awesome-gross-energetic-sweatyhead-loud BOYS. I bring refreshments to soccer and baseball practices, I put lego's together for hours at a time, I point out trains and garbage trucks even while alone in the car and I know, through personal experience, that it doesn't matter what age-- all boys smell.

Would it be accurate to say I was kind of a prissy little girl? Ever since the beginning, I insisted on doing my own eyeliner and buns for dance competitions. Don't have a camera? That's okay, I'll still pose. I remember being chastised for bringing a book to the ISU basketball games.

In my mind it would have been so fun to dress a girl up... to give her sock curls the night before church and take her to ballet class (while supplementing with lessons at home of course.) Could you even handle getting pedicures together?!

But now? Boys are my jam.

I could have never pictured anything better, more rewarding, more humbling... I love it. The background music to my house is filled with firetruck sirens and animal growls. Without thinking, the words "gentle please," "I'm right here, stop yelling" and "walk your feet" leave my mouth.

They love so hard.

ANNNND. I get to pick out their cute clothes foreverrrrr because they could really care less!

So the gist of this is I'm blessed beyond what I deserve. Our plans are never as sweet as our God's. Maybe one day we'll add a girl to the mix but if not that's okay too, I am content and loving these little men of ours.

Thoughts on... nursing

I've wanted to write on this for a long time, not at all because I am incredibly passionate about this particular subject and feel it's my mission to push this but simply because I have thoughts and I want to record them. Grandpas you can probably stop here.

But, before I say anything, I just want to make it clear that it doesn't matter to me in the least whether a person nurses their child or not. Mothering is already hard enough, so to put the added pressure of feeling judged for how you provide for your child is not necessary in my eyes. Do you co-sleep? Baby-wear? Cloth diaper? Okay, great. Maybe I don't, but if it works for you than that is awesome and you should totally stick with it. Like I said, mothering is not easy so if you find something that just helps you survive, than by all means do it. The big question is; will something be done that is going to harm my child's heart? That's what I would choose to spend my time obsessing over.

Okay, so some history first.
I really wanted to nurse Shepherd until a year. I nursed Reagan for 4 months and Shepherd twice as long. With Reagan, I was working full time and going to school full time and Zach and I were about to leave for a week to go on our honeymoon. I didn't think much about nursing, we just stopped and no one died. Reagan has always been a super healthy child and to this day has been on antibiotics maybe twice in his lifetime. With Shepherd, around 8 months I noticed my supply drastically decreased. I researched and sought advice and did everything I could to get it back up but nothing worked. Then one search mentioned pregnancy as a cause... and well yeah, after testing that pretty much was the case! I kept trying but with my body feeding three people at that point, counting myself, it was zapping me of everything I had (remember Zach was also working out of Rockford during the week at this point.) So we phased it out, Shep did awesome transitioning and I was thankful to avoid any of that engorgement awfulness.

Now, how I really feel.
Breastfeeding is hard. It hurts, it's inconvenient, it's isolating, it makes you more ravenous than even when you were pregnant. I remember white-knuckling the arm of whatever chair I was sitting in whenever latching on started. And that happened for months! Way longer than I expected. And they tell you if it hurts you're not doing it right, but that's crap. It just hurts. You think it's nice that you don't have to mix bottles but when the baby needs to nurse the world must stop and you have to sit down right then and do it. Probably the worst for me though was how isolated I felt. The mother shoulders all of the responsibility in this area. I was the only one who could do it therefore Zach was useless and the stars must be aligned (aka milk pumped and stored) if you need to spend time apart for any reason.

Now, would I do it again? Yes, yes, a thousand times over. In the back of my head I know it's the best for my baby. That miracle we've somehow been entrusted to raise. In this house we are big believers in a Higher Power and I'm constantly amazed at His creation. If he made me to be able to do this then there's got to be something said for that. I don't need to go into all of the studies that show how beneficial breast-milk is, because we've all heard it. I know some people gush over the overwhelming bonding experience they share when nursing, which is great, but I'm just not built that way. I find joy and closeness with my children in other ways. Plain and simple, it was just hard for me... because newsflash, it's not easy to stick with something you might not enjoy. It has been a lesson in selflessness that I truly needed and has bettered me with each child. Second to giving birth, breastfeeding is one of my most proudest accomplishments. Other perks... it stimulates your uterus to contract therefore it's awesome for getting your tummy down post baby, breastfed baby poop really doesn't smell that bad and you don't have to clean bottles. And also it deserves some major points for being so darn cost-effective- hello!

Other things I've learned.
Mastitis is the literal devil. It is a clogged milk duct that has become infected. I found it happened usually if I skipped a feeding, wore a garment that was too tight or exercised without a tight enough garment. It feels hot to the touch, harder in one specific spot and sometimes red too. Aside from dying... you'll get a fever, your whole body will ache and you'll get a blinding migraine. What worked best for me was to nurse frequently on that side, take a hot shower and massage the area out. Drink lots of water and rest a bunch. It sucks but it will pass.

Post birth you'll still look pregnant and your stomach will look like pizza dough.

The first time you spill pumped milk, aka liquid gold, you will cry.

New parents: get used to living life tired.

And no matter what you think. You're doing a really good job.

Thoughts on this pregnancy

I'm about to pop and this is my first (and probably only) post on this subject, whoops.

This is a true story, I made Zach put a ball of Reagan's under his shirt and stand at the sink to see realistically how far away I stand from everything. No, I didn't get a picture of that.

And me this weekend at about 38 weeks in the kitchen and dining room (in front of the only plates that survived our move.)

I'm feeling...
very grateful
very braxton-hicky
like this is definitely a boy
much healthier than I did with Reagan
and a little naive as to what we're getting ourselves into again.

Differences between this time and Reagan...
back has hurt this time
gained about 20 lbs less (heck to the yes)

Similarities...
pretty much everything
morning sickness same
carrying the same
same amount of pubescent facial lovelies
still love the smell of construction

Today at the store... (apologies for the phone pics, I have not been great about documenting the bump with pictures)

I've also came to the conclusion that spring/summer due dates are the best. Reagan was a February baby which meant maternity sweaters and maternity coats, bringing a baby home to frigid temperatures and hibernating indoors until spring. This time around has been awesome. I've been living in summer dresses. We're outside all the time which means I feel super healthy and I won't be pasty white while at my very heaviest (my grandma once told me fat looks better tan.)  This babe will also come home to a summer filled with fun, no cumbersome infant snowsuits, ick.

And we haven't come up with any names, but are open to suggestions. R wasn't named until we saw him and I think this one will be the same.

Reflections

Now that we are basically all settled in at my mom's house for the time being and I've passed my registry exam, I feel like I can breath and reflect a little on the past few years. We've lived on a college campus in pretty much one way, shape, or form for pretty much our whole marriage, so this next stage of our lives is going to take some adjusting.

I griped about Judson a ton but it really did treat us well and we wouldn't have met so many great people if it weren't for them so I'm glad we choose to go with JU in the end. It's hard to believe that we were 20 and had a 1 year old and moved to a totally new place where we didn't know hardly anyone.

Scratch being just glad, I'm definitely happy we did it and even though it was hard, it made us a better family so I wouldn't change anything.

Some things I'll miss...

• Campus walks. This campus was so pretty no matter what season. Here's a photographic depiction of one of our daily walks taken last fall...

(That big orange building was the library and was directly behind where we lived so you could probably see the top of it in a lot of our pictures from our backyard.)

• Moody Bible radio. Probably one of my most favorite things about living near the city. And once I realized I could download their app, I listen to it about twice a day. You know I love me some talk radio.

Things I will not miss...

• Carrying flu saturated laundry down two sets of exterior stairs in winter blizzard conditions. And for that matter, I will never ever. ever. miss constantly scrambling/saving quarters. Plus the basement itself was just super creepy. For instance I found this in it once...

• Carrying outside toys up and down basement stairs every time we wanted to play with them thanks to our new non-child friendly neighbors (of which Reagan kept referring to as "big momma.")

• The kitchen. Mostly the oven that cooked everything in half the recommended time, had no light, no timer and no window.

• The hill in our carpet Zach put in our first week there by trying to run cable to our bedroom. Two years later it's still there.

Proud:

• Increased driving capabilities. Just a reminder, our first trip up Zach made me drive to "practice," which resulted in me crying and us switching drivers on the interstate. Now I'll drive anywhere at anytime with minimal panicking.

• Made new friends. And really great ones at that =)

It's good to be home!