Saturday, September 7, 2013

When adding a baby into the equation...

We're about to have done this three times now. Looking ahead I am trying to brace myself for this new addition. I firmly believe that the 6-12 months after a baby is brought into a family is the hardest. It goes without saying that those months are also incredibly wonderful... filled with lots of squishy cuddles and kisses. But a lot of change occurs and so families must adjust and find a new normal. I think one of the things that helped the most when adding Shep to the mix was that we had prepped ourselves ahead of time with how hard it was going to be. It didn't make the day to day any easier (because regardless babies wake up a lot and new moms have out of whack hormones,) but it made us feel less like we were "drowning" knowing that these feelings were totally normal. Nothing like low-expectations to make you feel like you've gotten a win!

To the Dad on the topic of the Mom.

1. She's crazy. Oh for sure. She is totally irrational, but let her know you support everything she says. And tell her she looks pretty too. It takes time for the mom's body to get back to normal. You can only see the physical side but the hormonal side is trying just as hard to get back on track too, and those hormones are the literal worst.

2. She can't get mad at the baby.... so it might get dumped onto you. Even though she might be irrational right now (refer to #1) she still is sane enough to recognize that when the baby just ate an hour ago and is crying to nurse again she can't get mad at it. But there's no need for you to get up! She can get mad at you! Just take it like a man.

3. Say thank you. For anything and everything really. When in doubt just thank her for something. It will make her feel appreciated and loved.

To the Mom on the topic of the Dad.

1. He's going to feel left out. I was surprised at how much attention Zach needed afterwards! Did you know testosterone makes men jealous? Did you know they can be jealous of a baby, even one that is half them?

2. Don't keep a tally of who does what. It's just not fair, you'll always. always. always come out on top. There is no way for the dad to catch up so just stop keeping count. In doing so, you will be less frustrated and more grateful for the help you do get.

3. We need to know that the guys are not going to do things the way we would do them or even the way we want them to be done but we need to be thankful that they are at least trying. The more we criticize, the more discouraged they will be, the less they will attempt to do.

So there you go, six things we've learned to apply that make our house a much nicer place to be during the newborn fog.


adamandmichellemay said...

So true, so very true! I can't wait to see pics of your new little one coming guys are pros at this. ;)

bnlacombe said...

Good luck! Can't wait to see HER. :)