For Drew

So once upon a time there was this website that my brother, Drew, suggested I look at. The basic gist of it is that people send in texts or text conversations.... I'm not going to give you the name of the site because majority of things on it are just plain wrong but some things (the PG ones) are HILARIOUS.

Ignore the numbers in front of them, they're the area codes. Here are a few examples....

(503): I just google imaged poop.

(626): Funniest thing happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

(909): RAAWR I'm a purple dino
(1-909): i'm right next to you, stop texting me

(917): i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

(201): just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.

(617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

(817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

(916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off

(815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

(501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

(540): It was kinda weird being the boss
(1-540): Did you feel like Tony Danza?

(616): when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
(248): who is this?